Can Mommy Please PIP

Can Mommy Please PIP

I need to vent for a moment.  Someone please tell me I’m not the only one with this problem. “Mommy needs to PIP”.  That’s right, I have to tell my kids to let me poop in peace.

I just have a few questions for all the kids that feel the need to keep mom company on the crapper.

  1. Why can’t Mommy poop in peace?  There are very few moments in time that you and I are separated.  Can I just have this one thing? Why on earth do you want to join me in here anyway?
  2. Last week, you came into the bathroom just to poop your diaper while I did my business.  Is it like when someone yawns, you automatically have to do it too?
  3. Is it really that urgent? If the door is closed, that means you knock.  If you knock, and I say, “I’m in here”, that doesn’t mean come on in.  What’s that, you’re hungry?  Go ask your father to get the fruit loops for you.  I’m obviously busy catching up on facebook or checking the bank balance.  I promise, I’m not the only one that knows how to make a good bowl of cereal.
  4. Why do you wait until I’m in the bathroom to get on each other’s nerves?  Standing at the bathroom door asking me to mitigate an arguement…I can’t PIP with all these shenanigans.  I don’t know where your shoe or iPad is, and I’m not rushing out of here to help you look. You’ll have to wait or, heaven forbid, look for it yourself.  Look kids, unless there is a fire or someone is bleeding, it can wait.

What’s that?  I’m taking too long?  I might just stay in here until my Mother of the Year award arrives.  Now, bring me my phone charger and let me Poop In Peace!

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