Last night, I didn’t feel like going to small group at church. I kind of wasn’t feeling well and really thought about using that as an excuse not to go. I like going, but I’m in a rut right now and feeling insignificant in the group. Also, they started asking us to pray for each other out loud, and I’m not very good at doing that. It makes me uncomfortable because the other ladies in my group have all these graciously wordy and flowing prayers, and I’m over there like “Dear God, please help so-and-so find a job”. I feel like I’m in kindergarden and they are the graduating class of the school of praying.
The first night, I muddled my way through it. We were each given another group member to pray for. I was first to speak, and managed to get out a short, straight to the point prayer. I asked God to help her and give her what she needs. It was ackward, and I didn’t feel connected. Last night, the other ladies spoke their prayers, and when it came to be my turn, I just broke down in tears. I couldn’t pray. I didn’t know how to pray. Earlier that day, as I listened to a sermon by Lisa Harper, I learned that I was just trying to put the right quarter in God’s coke machine to get what I was asking for. Instead of telling God what I need from Him, I should surrender my will so I can hear from God. Instead of praying, “please help so-and-so find a job”, pray for the Lord to provide direction on their career. I know what I need to do, I just have to do it, starting today.
Starting today, I will pray for God to show me what I need. I will not lean towards my own desires when I’m praying for things that I want to happen in my life, but rather pray for the Lord’s direction.
Starting today, I will not say “you are in my prayers” unless I will really be praying for you. If you post on social media about a sickness or other trial, rest assured that my comment about praying for you is no longer an empty statement.
I am a work in progress, but I am God’s work in progress. Last night, after small group, I came home and tucked my kids into bed. Then I headed off to my bedroom with my laptop to work. But I couldn’t focus on work, so I shut down the laptop and grabbed one of the 3 devotionals gathering dust on the table next to me. I read and prayed until 3 am; and, do you know what happened this morning? God answered one of my prayers! The quarter I needed to put in His coke machine was spending time digesting His Word, really praying, not just skimming the surface and hoping for the best. What a sweet lesson indeed!